Happy Early Freaking Birthday
by LizzyCullenxx
Summary: Renesmee planned a unique idea for Edward's birthday present. When Emmett and the pack get involved, how far will she take it, and how will her parents react? Funny one-shot! Rated T for language


**Renesmee POV **

I grinned. This was perfect. I high fived my Uncle Emmett and giggled as I watched Jake and Seth ransack my Dad's wardrobe.

"Tell me why we're doing this again Renesmee?" Jake asked annoyed. I shrugged.

"It's payback for him taking my phone." I said. She just stared.

"You're fucking kidding me right?" Paul asked. I shook my head.

"Nope, but he took my phone, and grounded me. Anyway, this was an early birthday present" I smiled. Paul stared at me like I was stupid.

"Um, Renesmee, it's February" He said. I nodded. I knew that silly!

"You're dad's going to kill me" Jake muttered. Uncle Emmett and I made a plan to get back at my dad. Since vampires can't stand wet dog smell, and this was payback. A few of the pack members came over and started trying on my dads clothes, and ran a few laps around our garden and then changed shirts and jeans etc. So now Dad's clothes will smell like wet dog, Mom won't want to go near him or have sex with him, and I won't have to listen to the bed cracking or a piece breaking off. Thank god!

"When's he and Bella getting back?" Jared asked. I looked to Uncle Emmett. When were they?

"In a half hour. Edward really wanted to get your mom that necklace for Valentines Day." He said and his nose scrunched up. Mine did too. Ewe.

"Alright, well boys get back to work!" They scowled and started changing their shirts. I was paying them each forty dollars. Well, not Jake he said he'd do it for free. I loved that kid.

"I'm getting Kim that pair of shoes she's always wanted. They've been on sale for only a week and thank you for letting me get the rest of the cash" Jared smiled then went and ran in a circle. A really wide circle at that.

"I want food Ness that came with the deal" Seth said as he put my dad's jeans on. I nodded and reached into the cooler and threw him a sandwich.

"I know Seth, and don't I always keep my promises?" I asked him. He gave me a look.

"You are kidding me? This has mustard!" He whined. I giggled and threw him a non mustard sandwich. I got lazy at one point and didn't feel like getting a new jar of mustard out, so I quit and continued using the mayo.

"Oh cool it Seth" Jake called and finished his lap up before putting the clothes on the chair. We were almost done.

"Oh cool it Seth" Seth mimicked in his high pitched voice and took another bite of his sandwich before running his lap. I rolled my eyes. These boys are food addicts. I don't see how Emily never has an empty kitchen. I think Sam told me she went to the grocery store four times a day, but I don't know. It was something like that.

"So babe, what happens when your dad finds out?" Jake asked. I shrugged and he sat on the chair and I sat on his lap, facing the guys.

"You're dads going to be pissed!" Emmett laughed. I shrugged. Let him be upset. He upset me!

"Yeah, and I also did it so I wouldn't have to hear them having sex all night! It's nasty! They're so loud, they don't hear me getting dressed, slamming, my door, and the front door to go to the main house to actually sleep peacefully" I told them. They all grimaced.

"Yeah, that's worse than what we did" Seth said. Yeah it is.

"Ok, you need to go" I said as the boys got in their clothes. Yeah, it's not bad to see their six-packs. It was pretty damn hot if you asked me.

"You know, if you get a call saying that we were missing, and your dads a suspect, it's your fault" Seth said. Jared nodded.

"Alright boys go!" I shooed.

"Bye Nessie" Paul said in a teasing tone. I rolled my eyes and pushed him into the direction of the border line.

"Bye Paul" I said in a guy voice.

"Call me after your dad finds out?" Jake asked. I nodded and he gave me a quick kiss before he went to patrol.

"You know you're in deep shit, right? You're so grounded" Emmett laughed. I nodded.

"I won't be grounded. In trouble I will be" I smiled. He helped me hang Dad's shirts up again, and we hung out downstairs and watched Dracula.

"Boo! Garlic doesn't do anything! You fucking morons" Emmett booed. I rolled my eyes and continued eating my cucumber slices.

"I'm hoping they come home quick" I said. Emmett gave me a look. What's with people and giving me looks?

"You're funeral" He mused and took a cucumber slice and sniffed it then put it back on the plate.

"Ok, you freak" I said. We watched Dracula until we heard Dad's car roll up. Emmett grinned.

"We'll see what he says. This house reeks of dog anyway" Emmett laughed. I bit my lip as I watched my parents get out of the car and then look at me through the window. They smelled the dog. I smiled. Cover up Nessie, cover up!

"Hey sweetie, how was your day?" Mom smiled. I smiled back and Emmett was holding in giggles.

"It was good. Uncle Emmett and I watched Dracula" I said. She raised a brow and looked to Dad.

"Really? So, the wet dog smell is just your new one-hundred and fifteen dollar perfume?" Dad asked with a smirk. Ooh, busted.

"Busted is right. Explain now missy. I told you no one over unless an adult is with you! You know the rules! Do you seriously think you're safe when you're alone with a few newborns on the loose? Now we'll have a talk after your mother and I change out of our clothes" Dad said. I sighed and nodded. Stupid freaking newborns. I started naming the Bill of Rights in my head and Dad knew I was blocking him.

"Renesmee Carlie Cullen!" Dad yelled. I winced and so did Emmett. Damn it.

"You tell me right now, why my clothes smell exactly like the pack?" Dad asked quietly coming down the stairs.

"Explain now, young lady" Mom said sternly. Damn.

"Well, you took my phone, and my grounded me. So Daddy" I said and ran over to him to give him a big hug and a huge slobbery kiss on the cheek. He scowled. What? Don't you love, my loves from me?

"Of course I do sweetheart, just not when you lick my cheek and try to get out of trouble by using it against me" He said sternly.

"Ok, you're grounded, another week for lying to us, and for playing that little prank on your father. Emmett go home" Mom said and looked to my amazing uncle.

"Alright, I told you Ness. Love ya squirt, remember" He said and broke out into song.

"I will survive! I will survive!" He sang and danced his way out the door. I stared after him. What does Aunt Rose see in him?

"I didn't lie! I said Uncle Em and I were watching Dracula and we were" I protested. So unfair!

"Renesmee, you didn't answer it with the whole truth. Now that's it." Mom said. I sighed.

Apparently, vampires don't like it when you perfume their clothes with wet dog.

"By the way Daddy; Happy Freaking Birthday!" I said annoyed and went up the stairs when Dad laughed.

"It's February" He laughed. Mom even cracked a smile.

"Yeah, well, Happy Early Freaking Birthday!" I exploded and went to my room to watch TV and finish homework.

**Just a one shot. Hope you like!**

**XOXO, Lizzy **


End file.
